Unofficially Awkward: The Great Bow Debaucle

Sometimes, working retail, you run into awkward situations. I recently began working in Floral at Bennion. Which is fine. I quite like working Floral. Except when people ask me to tie them a nice bow. Because the Floral managers have not yet seen fit to teach me how to tie a good bow. Usually when this happens, I just call over Denise or Debbie or Mike, and they make a bow, and all is well. Occasionally, this plan fails because they are not at work. Such as tonight.

It began much as any other night at work. I was bored. I wanted to go home. I was bored. When, much to my surprise and joy, my parents came in! I really love getting visits at work from my fam. So I talked to them, and as we chatted (briefly), I saw behind them the most beautiful boy I had ever laid eyes on. Like a young Brad Pitt with ridiculously blue eyes. He was gorgeous. He was wearing this really nice, dark green sweater with a white button-up shirt, and this red and green plaid tie - mmmmm. And he had a really nice watch. All these things combined to make one good looking man.

And now, for your visual.

This is him.

And this is me.

He looked like he had a question (probably, "Hey, excuse me, do you know where _______ is?") Naturally, my first instinct was to run. So I ditched my parents, answered the phone to look busy, and I counted my escape a success. Though I was not disappointed to see him walk past me a couple times (don't judge - he was seriously beautiful. You would've done the same thing). And so lost was I in drooling over his devastating good looks, that I was caught quite by surprise when he spoke to me. I thought I was home free! And then - no. I panicked. I'm almost certain my face went beet red (which is stupid, because nothing embarrassing has even happened yet!). He asked me if we had any cellophane bags he could put a gift basket in. I was like, "Yeah, they're over here, blah blah blah. Panic panic panic." And then he was like, "See, the gift's for my sister (Awe, cute!). And we sort of have a contest to see who can have the fanciest gift wrapping (Huh. That's interesting) and I'm kind of in a hurry because the party's tonight (Procrastinate much?). Do you think you could help me out, if I just bring the stuff in?" And before I could actually think, I heard myself babbling about "Yeah, sure!" and "No problem!" Stop Anna! Abort! Abort! There's a big problem! And it's called, you don't know diddly squat about wrapping fancy baskets and tying fancy bows. 

As soon as he left to get his stuff, I went in search of a bow-tier. I asked literally every soul working. And, because such is my luck, none of them knew how to tie bows. I really got myself into a pickle. But I couldn't say no! I couldn't possibly disappoint such a beautiful being (which is ironic, because saying I can help, and then having to admit I don't know how to tie bows is much more disappointing than just telling him, "Hey, sorry, can't help ya" from the start). 

When I get back from my unfruitful search, he was already standing at the counter with his stuff for the gift basket. So here we are. We get his gift all wrapped up in a basket and cellophane, and then we reach the inevitable moment when he asks, "Can you, like, tie it with a big bow? It needs lots of razzle dazzle." These are his exact words. And then I'm like, "Er, well, I can try!" I can tie a decent bow, but it's just the normal everyday kind. Not the "razzley dazzley" kind. I attempted a bow. I tried. I really did. But it was awful, even by my low standards.

It looked something like this ... But possibly worse.

After I finished tying it, we just sat there in silence for a minute. Staring at it. I was trying to summon the end of the world that I was promised, and he was probably trying to think of a polite way to inform me I shouldn't be volunteering to help wrap Christmas gifts. I suggested that perhaps if we used some gold ribbon, along with the red, it might look better.

It didn't. It was pitiful. So pitiful, in fact, that Mr. Young Beautiful Brad Pitt asked some lady looking at the ribbon (yes. Just some random customer) if she knew how to tie a bow. It was that bad. I mean, it wasn't an ugly bow. But it was much nearer an ugly bow than I would have wished.

Thankfully, the woman knew how to tie a bow. Hers looked all beautiful and professional. So the story has a happy ending! Some random lady got to show off her bow tying skills, and the Mr. Young Beautiful Brad Pitt got his razzle dazzle bow. And I got to slink away slowly, praying for the end of the world.

Oh, and after that, I got a bloody nose. I was dripping copious amounts of blood, and got to go home early. In shame. So much shame.

I am un[OFFICIALLY] awkward.