Unofficial Suggestions

Alright kids, here's the deal. I work in retail. It has been quite the experience. I have learned a thing or two about being a retail worker (obviously), and in the process, about a gazillion things about being a customer. Allow me to share these precious pearls of wisdom with you. 

Suggestion #1

If you ask a worker if they have something, and they answer "I don't think so." - they're saying that to be nice to you. What you should read into that is "Nope, we don't." Your response should be something like, "Alright, thanks anyway." It should definitely NOT be "You don't think so, or you don't know?" That just makes them angry. And a little homicidal. Don't be that customer.

Suggestion #2

When worker is at the cash register, helping another customer, it's not the best time to ask a ridiculously long and complicated question. The customers paying for their stuff have been waiting in line for their turn, you can wait in line too. No exceptions.

Suggestion #3

"Please" and "Thank you" are still magic words. If you need help, say please. If a worker does something for you, for pity's sake, say thanks! It will not cost you a thing, but it might help make their night a little better. Seriously. Do not undervalue the power those words have.

Suggestion #4

Returns suck. If you buy something you end up not using, cool. And I can understand returning stuff if you're really tight on money, or if it's something you know you will never ever in your life EVER use, or if it was super expensive and you don't need it. Understandable. But there are things not to return. For example. If you bought one extra piece of paper, just keep it. Honestly. It cost you, what, 50 cents? Keep the freaking paper.

Suggestion #5

When a cashier is trying to talk to you, and being polite and friendly, be polite and friendly back. There is nothing more obnoxious than a customer who doesn't say a single word, just hands you their stuff and their money and glares at you as you ring them up. Don't be that customer either. I hate that customer.

Suggestion #6

If someone tells you, "Have a nice day!" you may either: a) respond with "You too!" (or any variation on that same idea), or b) thank them. You don't just walk away and ignore it. That's irritating. And frankly, I find it quite rude.

Suggestion #7

If you aren't done finding the stuff you want to buy, under no circumstances should you come up to the register, get everything all rung up, and then say, "I'm just going to grab something real quick." That makes the cashier angry, that makes the people in line angry - we're all just an angry angry bunch. And probably there will be enough people there to form a lynch mob. Lynchings aren't pretty. Don't let them happen to you.

Suggestion #8

Generally speaking, cashiers don't mind price checking a few things. It's not that hard, it's not a big deal. But if you have an entire cart full of crap to be price checked, they won't be as chill about it. Especially if you decide you don't want 80% of the stuff you brought up.

Suggestion #9

Don't bicker with employees about prices. Yes, sometimes they're wrong. We're all wrong sometimes. But 99.9978% of the time, they know what they're talking about. If they tell you something's not on sale, chances are extremely good it's really not on sale. Contrary to popular belief, they are not out to get you. They'll give you the best prices they can. Unless you're being a butt, and arguing about prices.

Suggestion #10

Don't tell the cashier what to use coupons on. This goes along nicely with Suggestion #9. They will put the coupon on the most expensive, regularly priced item. They will give you the best deal they possibly can. Your telling them what to do is superfluous, and irritating.

Suggestion #11

"It doesn't hurt to ask, right?" Wrong. It's annoying. Sometimes, people just need to suck it up and find things for themselves. Wander around the aisles for a few minutes, it won't hurt you. And sometimes, people just need to accept that their "special circumstance" isn't special to anyone but themselves, and we can't just go cutting imaginary deals for every single person with imaginary special circumstances. It ain't gonna happen.

Suggestion #12

Don't be an idiot. Idiots are annoying, and nobody likes them.

Those are you un[OFFICIAL] shopping suggestions. Good luck.