Unofficially Homesick

Well flip, guys. I miss Poland.

Like, A LOT.

Poland is as much my home as anywhere else. Which is interesting, because I've lived in Utah a considerably longer time than I lived in Poland. But, for whatever reason, that country feels like home. And I miss it.

Don't get me wrong - I love being home in my Utah home. Love the crap out of it. It rocks. But it's just not the same, you know? Something is decidedly less magical - less exciting. I mean, it's POLAND, for goodness sake. So much history. So much culture. So much adventure. (Define adventure. Adventure: living in Europe, more specifically, Poland.) I miss that. And I also miss the not magical and unexciting things about Poland.

Basically, everything. I miss everything about that blessed land. (Except, perhaps, the smells. But at this point, I'm so far gone I might miss those too.)

A List Of Things To Be Missed:

1. Banana juice. I'm barely surviving without that ridiculously sugary beverage working it's way through my system. It's the worst. I don't even know how I'm still alive, to be quite honest.

2. Ryneks. Yeah. Good luck finding a rynek in Layton freaking Utah. I want to see some old classy architecture and street vendors with overpriced souvenirs and Asians with cameras. We just don't have a lot of that here! It's very disheartening.

3. Cobblestone. Why are the streets not cobblestone here?

4. Trams. I know, I know. I hate public transportation. But maybe not because what do you know I miss trams. They're so convenient. (Actually, cars are a lot more convenient. And I really do hate public transportation. But I miss trams because they're so thoroughly Poland for me, and I miss everything Poland right now.)

5. Dopełniacz. I just want to wish someone a good day or "have fun working" without making it seem weird. Because I'm trying to make it work in English, but it keeps seeming weird. Not a fan.

6. Polish people. Glory, I love them.

7. Żabka. Because it's the most convenient convenience store of them all, and it's everywhere. And it has Milka chocolate and banana juice. 

8. Tiny branches. Church is a sensory overload in America. So many PEOPLE. Which, on the one hand, is super cool. It's like, "Oh look at the Church! It's so big! Good job, team!" On the other hand ... I miss my tiny branches. Because they're mine, and I love them.

9. Fake family. I miss my fake Poland family, made up of members and investigators and missionaries. I just miss them. 

10. Polish. In general. I love that crazy language. I love it, and I miss it. You know, I felt a certain sense of accomplishment in Poland for knowing Polish. But here, it's just not the same. No one gets it. Even if they know that Polish exists, they don't understand how difficult or beautiful it is. Maybe the Poles don't understand how difficult or beautiful it is either, because it's theirs, and sometimes we have a way of forgetting that the things that are ours are special. But at least the other missionaries understood. 

11. Pigeons. Those blasted pigeons. I hate them. But I also miss them.

12. Castles. Poor Utah. We just aren't old enough to have castles here. And since we haven't built any, future generations won't have them either. There just aren't castles in Utah. There's something terribly tragic about that.

There's more. But it's late, and I'm tired, and there are some things that haven't got words matched up to them because language is incapable of truly expressing them in all their glory.

I just miss Poland.

Yeah. This is Poland. I love her.

I'm un[OFFICIALLY] homesick.

Unofficial Public Speaker

PYSCH.

I HATE public speaking. It makes me want to jump off a bridge. Onto some railroad tracks. In front of an express train. ... Too much? Okay. Fine. It makes me want to jump off a bridge into a nice river where I can doggy paddle to shore without too much trouble, so it will be an uncomfortable experience, but not a life ending one. Better?

I'm speaking in church tomorrow. Apparently that is expected of newly returned missionaries these days. Silly.

I spent basically this whole entire day writing my talk. With an exception a couple hours spent shopping with my mom and sister. And the necessary YouTube breaks so my brain didn't fry from typing and thinking too hard about spirituality. Also, meals. But point of the story - I spent the better part of today writing the dang thing.

I hope it's decent. You know how you work really hard on something, and by the time you're through with it you can't even tell if it's decent or not, you just want to burn it in a bonfire? Hello, my day today.

That's all.

I just needed to type something other than a talk.

I am an un[OFFICIAL] public speaker. ... Lucky me. 

Unofficially Anna

Well. 

This is weird. 

I am back from my year and a half hiatus, and I'm blogging. 

And I'm Anna now.

I was Sister Young for a long time. Like, a REALLY long time. (Okay, okay. I guess a year and a half isn't THAT long. But you know. Whatever.) 

It's so strange to be Anna again. And I know, it's fine, because I'm me either way, but I think we can all agree that missionary-selves and normal-selves are slightly different selves. Not in a bad way, or a good way, but just a way that is slightly different because that's the way the universe operates.

I'm at peace with being Anna again, it's just WEIRD. Because Anna does things that Sister Young did not. For example, Anna listens to music. That's nice. Anna watches movies and spends time with her family. BIG FAN of that. Anna has her own room, and can be alone if she wants to. Score! But at the same time, there are things Sister Young did that Anna kind of can't. Anna can't walk up and down the streets, sharing the Good Word with all of God's children here at home. That would be a little bit socially unacceptable, and a lot bit awkward - besides, Anna isn't set apart to do that anymore (that sounds REALLY depressing ...). Anna can't speak Polish with the people around her, and THAT bites hardcore. Anna has to call people by their first names. It's weird.

I'm conflicted.

But, for better or worse, I'm un[OFFICIALLY] Anna now.