Unofficial OH MY HECK SORRY GUYS

Hey guys! It's, uh, it's been a while! What's been happening? What have I missed?

OKAY I'M SORRY! I FORGOT I HAVE A BLOG? I LOVE MY BLOG AND I FORGOT ABOUT IT? I'M THE WORST? I NEED TO RETHINK ME LIFE?

Really. Sorry about that. It's only been, what, a year? Give or take a couple months? 

Let's be real for a minute - I think I might be the only one who reads this blog. Also, I write this blog, so it feels like cheating ... But whatever. I've been failing my faithful audience (raises own hand awkwardly and looks around empty room), and that is unacceptable. I'll do better. This I so swear.

Anyways.

Highlight reel of the last year GO

...

Okay, nothing really happened that y'all missed.

Soooooo ...

Um. Yeah.

Oh hey I'M AN AUNT FOR REALS NOW!

Samantha Rose Parkinson (alternately known as Sammi alternately known as Little Pickle alternately known as Who's It's alternately known as Goobie alternately known as Love Duck) is the cutest munchkin in the world and I love and adore her little face.

Enjoy.

That child is a blessing LOOK AT HER.

I mean COME ON. That face. (She doesn't smile in pictures. This is the best I could get.) We are best friends.

Also I went to the One Direction concert in Seattle with my Soul Sistah Elisabeth Anne. That was a delight.

Here we are looking like we aren't sure what to look like. Fitting.

What brought me to this moment in my life.
Why did I let myself become this.
I'm rethinking everything.

It was super fun and they were spectacular and I am a changed woman.

I'm going to school now. It's a riot.

The bad kind.

Like, Week One, a shaky success. I survived so woo hoo for that but I HAVE TO DO THIS FOR HOW MANY MORE WEEKS PRAY FOR MY SOUL I AM IN TROUBLE Y'ALL. Those are my feelings.

In Summary:

Sorry I suck at blogging.

I love my niece.

I also love One Direction.

School is the worst.

The end.

Unofficial Bandit

It's been an interesting Thanksgiving. Due to a vast amount of STUPID, I had to miss Thanksgiving with the Barnes Clan and my newly returned missionary grandparents for work. Yeah. I'm still bitter. But that is not the point of this post. The point of this post is my newly discovered skills as a bandit.

I got home from Thanksgiving with the Young Clan. I parked the car outside, where it goes. I got into the garage. I opened the door to the house to let release the hounds and let them into the wild of our backyard to do their business. The last sentence is a lie. I tried to open the door, but I failed. Because I locked it before I left. LIKE AN IDIOT. I figured since I was parking outside I wouldn't use the garage all weekend, so I may as well lock the door. That was dumb. So I tried all the doors to the house. They were locked. Naturally.

Cue Panic Mode.

I freaked out. I called Emily. She didn't have a spare key. I called Mom. Apparently we don't have a spare key either. Good to know. She suggested I try getting in a window. Cool idea, Mom. So I did what anyone would do is such a situation.

I cried.

It was pretty pathetic, actually. 

And then I cried some more. And then I called Emily in tears and she said she was on her way and stop freaking out. And then I decided I'd better pick myself up and try getting in a stupid window. Because I'm a fighter. (That was actually my thought process in deciding to try breaking in a window. I was like, "Shoot! I can't just sit here! That's stupid. I'm a fighter. I'm getting in my house, dang it!" So props to me for that moment of strength. Those babies are few and far between, you know?) 

So. I got on the deck. I cried some more (I'm a crier even when I'm trying to keep my crap together, apparently), and I pulled on the screen to the window for a LONG TIME and I finally pried it out. And then I pushed up on the window. And then.

IT OPENED.

Yeah. It opened. That was the most magical moment of my entire existence. So I cried and climbed into the very dark kitchen and wandered around blindly, feeling for the lights and crying. (I cried a crap ton.) 

You never know how strong you are until you're tested to your limits. (I'm totally joking.) 

But for reals. It was an intense Thanksgiving. And now I know I could be a bandit if I had to be. As long as all houses keep a convenient window near the deck unlocked. 

I'm an un[OFFICIAL] bandit.

Unofficial Fangirl

Oh my lands. I need a moment, my people. I need a second to fangirl. Because I'm VERY good at fangirling.

I fangirl about a lot of things. I'm okay with that.

A List Of Things To Fangirl About:

Sherlock.

Merlin.

The Hobbit.

The Lord of the Rings.

Harry Potter.

Benedict Cumberbatch.

Martin Freeman.

Hunger Games.

Marvel.

Downton Abbey.

The list goes on.

Like, Pinterest is my life. It's embarrassing but it's true, and I've accepted that.

But there is one fandom above all other fandoms. One left off the above list. One slightly more embarrassing than the others, but pretty much I don't care, because it's just that wonderful and if everyone would open their eyes and stop being biased and petty and snobbish, they would all understand that wonder.

That wonder that is One Direction.

Yes. So much yes is happening in this moment.

Yeah. I went there. And this whole fetching blog post is about to go there. So if you don't want to open your eyes and stop being biased and petty and snobbish, you should probably stop reading now. (Just kidding, that's super extreme. I still love you even if you don't love them. We're cool. ... But you for reals might want to stop reading, because this fangirling is going to be EPIC and off the charts. You've been warned.)

Things To Fangirl About

1. Four. New album. Oh my fricking lands it's musical genius. They sound much more mature, and much more awesome (like that's even POSSIBLE). I would listen to this album for the rest of my life if I had to make a choice about one album to listen to for the rest of my life. Please bless this is NOT a decision I have to make. 

2. Their Hair. Yes. I know. It's silly. But GUYS. Their HAIR. It's beautiful. It speaks to me on a spiritual level. (This is blasphemy, it is not true, but I do indeed love their hair.) 

Note the strong hair game by ALL OF THEM.

3. Night Changes. The music video. Also the song, which is beautiful, but oh my STARS that music video CHANGED MY LIFE and it made me want to CRY and then laugh and then probably cry some more and then hide under a rock for the rest of my life because my fangirl heart was left open and raw and basically destroyed. This is not an exaggeration. This is a true story. So please, everyone in the world, go watch that music video. And then you will understand both my great suffering and my great joy.

4. On The Road Again. The 2015 tour. WHICH I WILL BE ATTENDING with one LIZZIE LAWYER in PORTLAND in JULY. It's like, after that concert, I don't even care what happens for the rest of my life. (That IS an exaggeration, I very much care about my future.) But to say I'm excited would be putting it pretty lightly. I'm going to be in the same room as them. I'm going to breathe their air. (From a distance, but whatever, I don't even care.)  

5. AMA's. They won all three they were up for, INCLUDING Best Artist. So THAT rocks. And then they performed, and they were stellar (because HELLO what else could they even be but stellar?).

6. Night Changes. I'm still not over that music video.

7. Their Faces. Yes. Their faces. Second only to their hair in attractiveness. (Just kidding, I like their faces better than their hair. However, I've got to say I'm a BIG fan of both.) I mean, come on. Look. LOOK!

Note the faces AND the hair.

Oh my stars. Oh my lands. Oh my One Direction.

I'll stop now.

Mostly because if I don't I'll run of my feels and my fangirl heart will burst with over stimulation. That would be bad news.

I'm an un[OFFICIAL] fangirl.

I've got it bad.

Unofficial Auntie

Dang it.

I've been slacking again.

I just do that sometimes, you know? Sometimes slacking happens.

But it's okay, because my life hasn't been that interesting in the past two months, so we REALLY haven't missed much.

Except for this.

I'M GOING TO BE AN AUNTIE.

That's the best news of my life right now.

She (yes! She! She's a SHE!) is coming in April and her name is going to be Samantha Rose Parkinson (so naturally I've been doodling that crap all over everything) and I've decided I'm calling her Sammie Rose (and if you don't think that's the cutest thing ever just get out of here you wacko because it's so flipping cute) and I'm going to spoil her absolutely filthy rotten because that's what aunties are supposed to do.

My life is awesome.

Aunting is already my favorite activity, and the child isn't even here yet to be aunted.

I'm an un[OFFICIAL] auntie!

Unofficial Beehive Adviser

I guess, you know, technically, it's not official. I didn't get set apart yet. But guys, I got called as a Beehive adviser today.

And I'm freaking out.

Also, I'm crazy excited, because being a Beehive adviser sounds like a crap ton of fun! For realsies. I'm super dooper excited.

But I'm still freaking out.

No one even raised their hand as being opposed when I got sustained. What IS this?

A List Of Reasons For My Freak Out.

1. Under qualified. HELLO, I couldn't be more under qualified! What do I know about caring for the spiritual needs of 12 year old girls? Oh. Right. Not a single thing. So that's delightful! I don't know how to do this! I don't know how to do this! Oh no. The anxiety is kicking in. Hurry - someone get me a paper bag!

2. I'm practically a Beehive myself. ... That's an exaggeration. I've got, like, 8 years on the kids. But that's not very many years! I am so young! It's not like being a Beehive adviser is a high profile calling or anything - it's not a big deal - but still! I'm too young for real callings! I should be in Primary or something. This is nonsense.

3. Come on know. Who is going to take ME seriously as a YW leader? It just seems so out of the realm of possibility. I can't even take myself seriously! How will they manage it?

It's okay. I'm freaking out a little, but it's okay! I actually for reals am SUPER crazy excited. Gah! Young Women! I love being in Young Women!

So yeah.

un[OFFICIAL] Beehive Adviser. That's happening.

Unofficial Enthusiast: Jousting

I have a new favorite sport. As far as sports that aren't normal sports are concerned. Basketball will forever fill the Favorite Sport portion of my heart, with football as a close second. But that's not the point. The point is

JOUSTING.

Who knew, in this day and age, that jousting still exists.

Good news.

It does.

And it's flipping classy.

Horses, lances, full out armor. It's legit.

This is what jousting looks like.

I went with most of my family to Estes Park, Colorado last week for the Scottish Irish Festival which they hold every year, and it was awesome. Bagpipes playing every hour of the day, the smell of alcohol and cigarette smoke wafting over the fair grounds, the unpredictable weather freezing you one minute and roasting you the next, the general acceptance and encouragement of kilt wearing - it's basically a dream come true. And at this most magical of festivals, I witnessed my first ever live jousting tournament. (Not like I sit around watching it on the TV or the internet at home. But I have seen enough movies about knights to have seen a fair amount jousting.) Flip, guys. It was SO COOL.

Lances were breaking, armor was coming off, people were falling off horses - it was intense. And we all got some sick sort of pleasure out of watching it. I felt a little like a barbarian cheering when someone was unhorsed, and a little classy because I was watching jousting like a flipping princess or something. It was conflicting. But I decided to go with the classy princess option, so I mostly enjoyed it. (Who am I kidding? I enjoyed it the whole time. I just felt a wee bit guilty about enjoying it for a moment or two.)

Look at those lances breaking! This is some sweet crap jousting right here.

So yeah. That's my new thing. Jousting. I am a fan. If you guys ever happen to be in a random place where jousting is happening, you should check it out. (You probably won't be in a random place where jousting is happening unless you're a total nerd and you go to Renaissance fairs or something of that sort.) But I'm serious - it's flipping sweet and super fun to watch. And it makes you feel like a G from King Arthur's court. So it's worth the nerd label you'll be stuck with into the eternities for liking it.

I am an un[OFFICIAL] jousting enthusiast. 

Unofficially Homesick

Well flip, guys. I miss Poland.

Like, A LOT.

Poland is as much my home as anywhere else. Which is interesting, because I've lived in Utah a considerably longer time than I lived in Poland. But, for whatever reason, that country feels like home. And I miss it.

Don't get me wrong - I love being home in my Utah home. Love the crap out of it. It rocks. But it's just not the same, you know? Something is decidedly less magical - less exciting. I mean, it's POLAND, for goodness sake. So much history. So much culture. So much adventure. (Define adventure. Adventure: living in Europe, more specifically, Poland.) I miss that. And I also miss the not magical and unexciting things about Poland.

Basically, everything. I miss everything about that blessed land. (Except, perhaps, the smells. But at this point, I'm so far gone I might miss those too.)

A List Of Things To Be Missed:

1. Banana juice. I'm barely surviving without that ridiculously sugary beverage working it's way through my system. It's the worst. I don't even know how I'm still alive, to be quite honest.

2. Ryneks. Yeah. Good luck finding a rynek in Layton freaking Utah. I want to see some old classy architecture and street vendors with overpriced souvenirs and Asians with cameras. We just don't have a lot of that here! It's very disheartening.

3. Cobblestone. Why are the streets not cobblestone here?

4. Trams. I know, I know. I hate public transportation. But maybe not because what do you know I miss trams. They're so convenient. (Actually, cars are a lot more convenient. And I really do hate public transportation. But I miss trams because they're so thoroughly Poland for me, and I miss everything Poland right now.)

5. Dopełniacz. I just want to wish someone a good day or "have fun working" without making it seem weird. Because I'm trying to make it work in English, but it keeps seeming weird. Not a fan.

6. Polish people. Glory, I love them.

7. Żabka. Because it's the most convenient convenience store of them all, and it's everywhere. And it has Milka chocolate and banana juice. 

8. Tiny branches. Church is a sensory overload in America. So many PEOPLE. Which, on the one hand, is super cool. It's like, "Oh look at the Church! It's so big! Good job, team!" On the other hand ... I miss my tiny branches. Because they're mine, and I love them.

9. Fake family. I miss my fake Poland family, made up of members and investigators and missionaries. I just miss them. 

10. Polish. In general. I love that crazy language. I love it, and I miss it. You know, I felt a certain sense of accomplishment in Poland for knowing Polish. But here, it's just not the same. No one gets it. Even if they know that Polish exists, they don't understand how difficult or beautiful it is. Maybe the Poles don't understand how difficult or beautiful it is either, because it's theirs, and sometimes we have a way of forgetting that the things that are ours are special. But at least the other missionaries understood. 

11. Pigeons. Those blasted pigeons. I hate them. But I also miss them.

12. Castles. Poor Utah. We just aren't old enough to have castles here. And since we haven't built any, future generations won't have them either. There just aren't castles in Utah. There's something terribly tragic about that.

There's more. But it's late, and I'm tired, and there are some things that haven't got words matched up to them because language is incapable of truly expressing them in all their glory.

I just miss Poland.

Yeah. This is Poland. I love her.

I'm un[OFFICIALLY] homesick.